See Details Here: 

https://vssrotary.org/events/2023-father-daughter-ball

Understanding our Father  

Right from the moment of our birth, we are under the care and kindness of our parents, and then later on in our life when we are oppressed by sickness and become old, we are again dependent on the kindness of others. Since at the beginning and end of our lives we are so dependent on other's kindness, how can it be in the middle that we would neglect kindness towards others?

The Father Daughter Ball allows us time in the here and now to recognize the deep love between a father and his daughter. 

It is true that many of us may have painful relationships with our parents. 

The enlightened Thich Nhat Hanh can teach us how we can use meditation to understand and accept our own suffering, and then look deeply into the suffering of our father.

At one of Thich Nhat Hanh retreats, everyone was given an assignment to write a love letter to their father. A young American named David thought that he could not do it. He told us that every time he thought of his father the suffering overwhelmed him, so he couldn’t bear to write him a letter. His father had passed away, and yet he could not reconcile with him. When Thich Nhat Hanh learned of his situation, he offered him the exercise of the five-year-old boy.

Breathing in, I see myself as a five-year-old boy.
Breathing out, I smile to the five-year-old boy that was me.

He asked him to practice that for a week during walking meditation, sitting meditation, doing things in the garden, in the kitchen, and so on.

When you breathe in and see yourself as a five-year-old child, you can touch your vulnerability and fragility. At this age, we are so fragile that a stern look from an adult can create a wound. When your father shouts at you, “Shut up!” you receive another deep wound in your heart.

As a five-year-old child, you have suffering and difficulties. Sometimes you try to express them to your father or mother, but they are not patient enough to listen, and you don’t have enough words. You try your best, but they get irritated, and then they shout at you. It’s like a bucket of ice water poured on your heart. The next time you won’t dare to try to share your feelings. You are fragile and vulnerable as a five-year-old child, and when you see that, compassion will arise in you.

Breathing in, I see myself as a five-year-old boy.
Breathing out, I smile to the five-year-old boy who was me.

When you identify the little child in you, soon you realize that your child is always alive and needs your care. You have deserted your child for a long time. Your child may be deeply wounded; and you need to help, embrace, and heal your child so the wounds won’t remain forever. This practice should be done during the first week.

Every mindful in-breath, every mindful out-breath, every peaceful step, every smile is an act of liberation.

The next week I gave him another exercise:

Breathing in, I see my father as a five-year-old boy.
Breathing out, I smile to that five-year-old boy who was my father.

It is helpful to visualize your father as a five-year-old boy, as fragile and vulnerable as you were when you were five. You might want to get a picture of your father as a five-year-old boy to help you practice.

Breathing in, I see my father as a five-year-old boy.
Breathing out, I smile to that five-year-old boy.

Maybe this is the first time you are able to see your father as a vulnerable little child, and you begin to understand your father might have been a victim like you when he was five. He might have been abused by his father and didn’t have a chance to meet a teacher or to have a group of friends to help take care of his wounds. That is why he allowed that seed of suffering to rise up in him, and he has transmitted that internal formation to you. To get back at him now is unjust. He needs to be helped and not to be punished. So:

Breathing in, I see my father as a five-year-old boy.
Breathing out, I smile to him.

This is a smile of understanding and of compassion. The young man from America also got a picture of his father as an adult, and he placed that picture on his table in his room in his room. Every time he was about to leave the room, he would stop by his table, turn on the light, look into the eyes of his father, and practice mindful breathing.

Breathing in, this is my father.
Breathing out, I smile to my father.

And every time he entered his room, he would practice this before he lay down on his bed.

You may think that a smile is nothing, but it is a lot. With a true smile, you make all generations of ancestors in you smile. It is liberation; it is transformation. Every mindful in-breath, every mindful out-breath, every peaceful step, every smile is an act of liberation. You offer liberation to your ancestors and to your children.

At The Emily Dahl Foundation we love The Father Daughter Ball, where Fathers and Daughters will dance and smile all night long. 

This is like heaven on earth.

Emily Dahl attended many of them and will dance with all the daughters this coming week! 

The Emily Dahl Foundation 
October 2023