This picture is from a recent visit to The Lions Gate Buddhist Priory in Lytton, BC. The monks of the priory pictured here are Reverend Master Koten Benson and Reverend Master Aurelian Giles. In late 2018, only a short time before Emily died (Jan 2019), a close family friend of ours died suddenly in a tragic accident. It was unbelievable to many of us that these events would happen back-to-back so close in our group of friends and family, but they did. The truth is that all of us living beings have had, or will have, similar experiences. I remember very well wondering what in the world would one say to someone that had so recently suffered the loss of such a close family member? Of course, I had no idea I would be facing this very same experience in the next few months. In an effort to help my friend at the time, I told the parable of the mustard seed that I had come across in an article I had recently read about grief and loss. Parables are normally fictional stories that can be helpful when trying to understand the deeper truths of the way things actually are. They were used extensively by Jesus as well as other great sages as a tool for teaching us the nature of reality. Here is the mustard seed parable: One day, a woman approached the Buddha with tears streaming down her face, and a cold, lifeless baby in her arms. She begged the Buddha to perform a miracle and bring her son back to life. The Buddha responded: “I can help you, but only after you bring me a mustard seed from a house that has not been touched by death.” The woman travelled back to her village and started knocking on doors. The woman had no luck with the any of the houses as every house had been touched by death. The quest given to her by the Buddha made the woman realize the universality of death — the impermanence of all things — including people. I will never forget the response after telling the parable of the mustard seed. The friend that had just experienced the tragic loss looked right at me and said, "That doesn't help". Master Koten instructed me that some of these deeper teachings may be true - but that many times just being with someone that has suffered a severe blow, and saying nothing, is the very best thing you can do. Just be with them and let them experience what they are experiencing. The truth may be that life is really more like a dream and that all things are really illusions. In this way, nothing is born, and nothing dies - but this is not easy to grasp and may not help someone that has suffered a tragic loss in their life. The immense work of the Diamond Sutra also says, "All things that exist are like a dream, a phantom, a bubble, a reflection; they are like dew or lightning; thus, should you view them.'' However, we have also other obstacles: strong opinions, attachment to our understanding. We are unable to let go of them. We have the feeling that if we let go of them, all the world will cease to exist. In a way it is true, our world will cease to exist. The world of illusions will cease to exist. But again, contemplation of these deep concepts takes time and even the most intense suffering may not bring these deeper realities to the surface of our minds. On my visit with Reverend Master Koten he listened ever so patiently to my story and then told me the story of Marpa. A certain Tibetan teacher by the name of Marpa would teach that everything is illusion. But one day his son died and Marpa cried and cried. One student asked him: "Marpa, why are you crying? You have been teaching that everything is illusion!" Marpa answered: "Yes, everything is illusion and my son's death is the greatest of all illusions." Sitting with Reverend Master Koten is wonderful. He is a great teacher. Sherman Dahl The Emily Dahl Foundation PS. Master Koten was presented with a hand carved lamp from Ted Ohlsen. Another great teacher of our connection to nature and our eternal connection to all things. Ted was challenged by the loss of his eyesight in a hunting accident in 1960 and teaches us that suffering is a part of life, as is joy.
